she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Your cock deserves a montage
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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