I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
