I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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