never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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