I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
