butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
