Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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