I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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