babies were throwing up all over the place
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
