woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
