He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
