Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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