You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
