Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
