it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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