Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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