hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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