my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
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you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
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Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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