so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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