there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Randomize
