I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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