I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize