New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
