'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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