Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Randomize
