you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
