I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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