just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
