if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
