I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
it hurts more in the daytime
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
