the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
