She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
