i don't like sucking hair
I faked an abortion last night.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
They took my balls.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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