I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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