When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
