census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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