My nipple is on Facebook.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
