Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
