I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
