she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
