please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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