Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
don't judge my taste in strippers
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
