After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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