The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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