It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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