The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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