Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
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