You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
