Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
