Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
