Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
