you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
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Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
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If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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