He kissed a someone with a penis
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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