Small penises have feelings too.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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