I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
