Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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