i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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