8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
