I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
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Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
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Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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