Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
