Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize