Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
