Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
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She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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