Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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