I have demons in me.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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